CHAP. XVIII. Wherein are decided the controversies of the Helmet of Mam brino, and of the Pannell, with other strange and most true Adventures. G Ood Sirs, quoth the Barber, what do you think of that which is affirmed by these Gentlemen who yet contend that this is not a Bason, but a Helmet? He that denies it, quoth Don Quixote, I will make him know that hee lyes, if he be a Knight; and if hee bee but a Squire, that hee lyes and lyes again a thousand times. Our Barber who was also present, as one that knew Don-Quixotes humour very well, would fortifie his folly and make the Jest passe yet a little farther, to the end that they all might laugh: and therefore speaking to the other Barber, hee said Sir Barber, or what else you please, know that I am also of your occupation, and have had my writ of examination and approbation in that Trade more then these thirtie yeers, and am one that knows very well all the instruments of Barberie whatsoever; and have been besides in my youthfull dayes a Souldier; and doe therefore likewise know what is a Helmet, and what a Morrion, and what a close Castle, and other things touching Warfare; I mean all the kinde of Armes that a Souldier ought to have: and therefore I say (still submitting my self to the better opinion) that this peece which is laid here before us, and which this good Knight holds in his hand, not only is not a Barbers Bason, but also is so farre from being one as is white from black, or veritie from untruth; yet doe I withall affirm, that although it is an Helmet, yet it is not a compleat Helmet. No truely, quoth Don-Quixote, for it wants the half, to wit, the nether part and the Bever. It is very true, quoth the Curate, who very well under stood his friend the Barber his intention; and the same did Cardenio, Don Fernando, and the rest of his fellows confirm; yea, and even the Judge himself, had not Don Lewis his affair perplexed his thoughts, would for his part have holpen the Jest well forward: But the earnestnesse of that affair held his minde so busied, as hee little or nothing at tended the pastime. Lord have mercy upon me, quoth the other Barber, then half beside himself, and is it possible that so many honourable men should say that this is no Bason, but a Helmet? This is a thing able to strike admiration into a whole Uni versitie, how discreet soever it were: it is enough if this Bason must needs bee a Hel met, the Pannell must also bee a Horses Furniture, as this Gentleman sayes. To mee it seems a Pannell, quoth Don-Quixote; but as I have said, I will not meddle with it, nor determine whether it bee a Pannell or the Capparison of a Horse. Therein is nothing else to bee done said the Curate, but that Sir Don-Quixote say it once; for in these matters of Chivalrie, all these Noblemen, and my selfe, doe give un to him the prick and the prize; I sweate unto you by my Iove good Sirs, quoth Don-Quixote, that so many and so strange are the things which have befaln mee in this Ca stle, these two times that I have lodged therein, as I dare avouch nothing affirmatively of any thing that shall bee demanded of mee concerning the things contained in it; for I doe infallibly imagine, that all the Adventures which passe in it, are guided by inchant ment: the first time, I was very much vexed by an inchanted Moore that was in 〈◊〉 and Sancho himselfe sped not very well with the Moores followers; and yesternight I stood hanging almost two houres space by this arme, without knowing how, or how that disgrace befell mee; so that for me to meddle now in so confused and difficult a matter, as to deliver mine opinion, were to passe a rash judgement: So that they which say that this is a Bason and no Helmet, I have already made answere; but whether this bee a Pannell or furniture, I dare pronounce no difinitive Sentence, but only remit it to your discreet opinions: perhaps because you are not dubbed Knights as I am, the in chantments of this place will have no power over you, and your understandings shall be free and able to judge of the things in this Castle really and truly, and not as they seeme unto me. Doubtlesse quoth Don Fernando, Don-Quixote sayes very well, that the definition of this case belongs unto us; and therefore, and because wee may pro ceede in it upon the the better and more solid grounds, I will secretly take the Suffra ges of all those Gentlemen, and afterwards make a cleere and full Relation of what shall come of them. To those that knew Don-Quixote his humour, this was a matter of marvailous laughter, & sport; but to such as were not acquainted therewithall, it seemed the greatest folly of the world, especially to Don Lewis, and his four servants, and with other three Passengers that had arrived • y chance to the Inne, and seemed to bee Troupers of the holy Brother-hood, as indeed they were: but hee that was most of all beside himself for wrath, was the Barber, whose Bason they had transformed before his owne, face into the Helmet of Mambrino, and whose Pannell hee made full account should likewise be turned into the rich Furniture, and Equipage of a great, Horse. All of them laughed heartily, to see Don Fernando goe up and downe, taking the Suffrages of this man and that, and rounding every one of them in the eare that they might declare in secret whether that was a pannell or a furniture, for which such deadly contention had passed. After that he had taken the suffrages of so many as knew Don-Quixote, he said very lowdly, The truth is, good fellow, that I grow weary of demanding so many opi nions; for I can no sooner demand of any man what I desire to know, but they forth with answer mee, how it is meere madnesse to affirme, that this is the pannell of an Asse, but rather the furniture of a Horse, yea and of a chiefe Horse of service; and therefore you must have patience for in despite both of you and of your Asse, and not withstanding your weak allegations and worse prooves it is, and will continue the furniture of a great Horse, Let me never injoy a place in Heaven (quoth the Barber) if you all be not deceived; and so may my soul appear before God, as it appears to me, to be a pannell, and no horse furniture: but the law carries it away, and so farewell it: and yet surely I am not drunk; for unlesse it be by sinning, my fast hath not been broken this day. The follies which the Barber uttered, stirred no lesse laughter among them, then did the rorings of Don-Quixote, who then spoke in this manner: Here is now no more to be done, but that every man take up his owne goods, and to whom God hath given them, let S. Peter give his blessing. Then said one of the four Servingmen, If this were not a jest premeditated, and made of purpose, I could not perswade my self, that men of so good understanding as all these are, or seem to be, should dare to say, and affirm, that this is not a Bason, nor that a Pannell: but seeing that they averr it so constantly, I have cause to suspect that it cannot bee without a great deale of Mysterie, to af firme a thing so contrary to that which very truth it selfe, and experience demonstrates unto us: for I doe vow (and saying so he rapt out a round oath or two) that as many as are in the world, should never make me beleeve that this is no bason, nor that no pan nell of a he-Asse. It might as well be of a she-Asse, quoth the Curate. That comes all but to one, replied the other; for the question consists not therein, but whether it be a pannell or not, as you doe avouch? Then one of the Troupers of the holy Brother hood (who had listned to their disputation, and was grown full of choler to hear such an errour maintained, said, It is as very a pannell, as my father is my father; and hee that hath said, or shall say the contrary, is, I beleeve, turned into a grape. Thou lyest like a clownish knave (qd. Don-Quixote: ) and lifting up his Javelin, which he al wayes held in his hand, hee discharged such a blow at the Troupers pate, as if he had not avoyded, it would have thrown him to the ground. The Javelin was broken by the force of the fall into splinters; and the other Troupers, seeing their fellow misused, cried out for help, and assistance for that holy Brotherhood. The Inkeeper, who also was one of the same Fraternitie, ranne in for his rod of Justice, and his sword, and then stood by his fellowes. Don Lewis his foure Servants compassed him about lest hee should attempt to escape whilest the tumult indured. The Barbar seeing all the house turned upside downe, laid hand againe upon his Pannell, and the same did Sancho. Don-Quixote set hand to his Sword and assaulted the Troopers. Don Lewis cryed to his serving men that they should leave him, and goe to helpe Don-Quixote, Cardenio and Don Fernando; for all of them tooke Don-Quixotes part. The Curate cried out, the Oastesse shrieked, her Daughter squeaked, Maritornos houled, Dorotea stood con fused, Luscinda amazed, and Donna Clara dismayed; the Barbar battered Sancho, and Sancho pounded him againe. Don Lewis, on whom one of his Serving men had presu med to lay hands, and hold him by the arme, gave him such a pash on the mouth, as hee broke his Teeth, and then the Judge tooke him into his owne protection. Don Fernando had gotten one of the Troopers under his feet, where he stood belabouring him at plea sure. The Innekeeper renewed his out-cry, and reinforced his voyce, demanding ayde for the holy. Brotherhood: So that all the Inn seemed nothing else but Plaints, Cryes, Screetches, Confusions, Feares, Dreads, Disgraces, Slashes, Buffets, Blows, Spurnings, and effusion of Blood. In the midst of this Chaos and Labyrinth of things, Don-Quixote began to imagine and fancie to himselfe, that hee was at that very time plunged up to the eares in the dis cord and conflict of King Agramante his Campe; and therefore hee said with a voice that made all the Inne to tremble: All of you, hold your hands all of you, put up your Swords, all of you bee quiet and listen to mee, if any of you desire to continue alive. That great and monstrous voice made them all stand still; thereupon hee thus procee ded. Did not I tell you Sirs, that this Castle was inchanted, and that some Legion of Devills did inhabit it? In confirmation whereof, I would have you but to note with your owne eyes, how the very discord of King Agramants Campe is transferred hither, and passed ever among us. Looke how there they fight for the Sword, here for the Horse, yonder for the Eagle, beyond for the Helmet; and all of us fight, and none of us know for what. Come therefore, you Master Justice, and you Master Cu rate, and let the one represent King Agramant, and the other King Sobrino, and make Peace and Atonement among us: for I sweare by Almighty Iove, that it is great wrong and pittie, that so many Noblemen, as wee are here, should be slaine for so sleight causes. The Troopers, which did not understand Don-Quixotes manner of speech, and saw themselves very ill handled by Don Fernando and Cardenio, would in no wise bee pacifi ed; But the Barber was content, by reason that in the conflict both his beard and his Pannell had beene torne in peeces. Sancho to his Masters voice was quickly obedient, as became a dutifull Servant. Don Lewis his foure serving men stood also quiet, seeing how little was gained in being other; only the Innekeeper persisted as before, affirming that punishment was due unto the insolencies of that mad man, who every foote confound ed and disquieted his Inne. Finally, the rumor was pacified for that time; the Pannell remained for a Horse furniture untill the day of judgement; the Bason for a Helmet, and the Inn for a Castle in Don-Quixotes imagination. All the broyles being now appea sed, and all men accorded by the Judges and Curates perswasions; then began Don Lewis his servants again to urge him to depart with them, and whilest hee and they debated the matter, the Judge communicated the whole to Don Fernando, Cardenio, and the Curate, desiring to know their opinions concerning that affair, and telling them all that Don Lewis had said unto him; whereupon they agreed that Don Fernando should tell the Serving-men what hee himself was, and how it was his pleasure that Don Lewis should goe with him to Andaluzia, where hee should bee cherished and accounted of by the Marquesse his Brother, according unto his calling and deserts; for hee knew well Don Lewis his resolution to bee such, as he would not return into his Fathers pre sence at that time, although they core him into peeces. Don Fernando his quality, and Don Lewis his intention being understood by the four, they agreed among themselves, that three of them should goe back to beare the tidings of all that had passed, to his Father, and the other should abide there to attend on him and never to leave him untill they returned to fetch him home, or knew what else his Father would command: And in this sort was that monstrous bulk of division and contention reduced to some forme by the authority of Agramant and the wisdome of King Sobrino. But the Enemie of Concord, and the Adversarie of Peace, finding his projects to bee thus illuded and condemned, and seeing the little fruit hee had gotten by setting them all by the eares, resolved once again to trye his wits, and stir up new discords and troubles, which befell in this manner: The Troupers were quieted, having understood the calling of those with whom they had contended, and retired themselves from the brawl, knowing that howsoever the cause succeeded they themselves should have still the worst end of the staffe: But one of them, who was the very same whom Don Fer nando had buffetted so well, remembred how among many other Warrants that hee had to apprehend Malefactors, hee had one for Don-Quixote, whom the Holy-Bro therhood had commanded to bee apprehended for freeing of the Gally-Slaves, a disaster which Sancho had before-hand with very great reason feared:) As soon as he remem bred it, hee would needs trye whether the signes that were given him of Don-Quixote did agree with his person; and so taking out of his bosome a scorll of Parchment wherein they were written, hee presently found out that which hee looked for; and reading it a while very leisurely, as one that was himself no great Clerke, at every other word hee looked on Don-Quixote, and confronted the marks of his warrant with those of Don-Quixotes face, and found that he was infallibly the man that was therein men tioned: And scarce was hee perswaded that it was hee, when folding up his Parch ment, and holding the Warrant in his left hand, hee laid hold on Don-Quixotes coller with the right so strongly as hee could hardly breath, and cryed out aloud, saying, Aid for the Holy-Brotherhood: and that you may perceive how I am in good earnest, read that Warrant, wherein you shall finde that this Robber by the High-way side is to bee apprehended. The Curate took the Warrant and perceived very well that the Trouper said true, and that the marks agreed very neer with Don-Quixotes; who seeing him self so abused by that base Rascall, as hee accounted him, his choler being mounted to her height, and all the bones of his body crashing for wrath, hee seized as well as hee could with both his hands on the Troupers throat, and that in such sort, as if hee had not been speedily succoured by his fellows, hee had there left his life are Don-Quixote would have abandoned his gripe. The Inne-keeper, who of force was to assist his fellow in Office, forthwith repaired unto his aide. The Hostesse seeing her Husband re-enter into contentions and brables, raised a new crie, whose burden was borne by her Daughter and Maritornes, asking succour of Heaven and those that were present. Sancho seeing all that passed, said, By the Lord all that my Master hath said of the Inchantments of this Castle is true; for it is not possible for a man to live quietly in it one hour together. Don Fernando parted the Trouper and Don-Quixote, and with the good will of both unfastened their holds: but yet the Troupers for all this desisted not to require their Prisoner, and withall, that they should help to get him tyed and absolutely rendred unto their wills; for so it was requisite for the King and the Holy Brotherhood, in whose name they did again demand their help and assistance for the Arresting of that publique Robber and Spoyler of People in common Paths and High-wayes. Don-Quixote laughed to heare them speake so idlely, as hee imagined, and said with very great gravitie; Come hither, you filthie base extractions of the dunghill, dare you terme the losing of the inchayned, the freeing of Prisoners, the assisting of the wretched, the raysing of such as are falne, and the supplying of those that are in want? Dare you (I say) terme these things robbing on the High-way? O infamous brood, worthy for your base and vile conceit, that Heav'n should never communicate with you the valour included in the exercise of Chivalrie, wee give you to understand the sinne and errour wherein you are, by not adoring the very shadow, how much more the assistance of a Knight Errant? Come hither, O you that bee no Troopers, but Theeves in troope, and Robbers of high-wayes by permission of the Holy Brotherhood: Come hither I say, and tell mee, who was that jolt-head that did subscribe or ratifie a Warrant for the attach ing of such a Knight as I am? Who was hee that knowes not how Knights errant are exempted from all Tribunals? and how that their Sword is the Law, their Valour the Bench, and their Wills the Statutes of their Courts? I say againe, what mad man was hee that knowes not how that no priviledge of Gentry injoyes so many preemiencies, immunities, and exemptions, as that which a Knight errant acquires the day wherein he is dubbed, and undertakes the rigorous exercise of Armes? What Knight Errant did e ver pay tribute, subsidie, tallage, carriage, or passage over water? What Taylor ever had money for making his clothes? What Constable ever lodged him in Castle, that made him after to pay for the shot? What King hath not placed him at his owne Table? What Damzell hath not faln in love with him, and permitted him to use her as hee liked? And finally, what Knight errant was there ever, is, or ever shall bee in the World, which hath not the courage himselfe alone to give foure hundred blowes with a cudgell to foure hundred Troopers that shall presume to stand before him in ho stile manner?