THE NEW HAMPSHIRE GAZETTE
$2 a Year, in Advance. 6 Copies $lO.
Prinrep WEDNESDAY, AT DarLy CHRONICLE OFFICE,
THE NEW HAMPSHIRE GAZETTE is be
yond question the Oldest Newspaper in America
having been started in 1756, in Portsmouth, by
DANIEL FOWLE, who was the first rinter in the
State,—and has been published here regularly l
and continuously eversince. The wooden build
ng now standing on Pleasant street in this city,
at the junction with Washington and Howard
streets,is the same structure which was the first
printing officein New Hampshire.
Before reading the Gazette, subscribers will
find it greatly to their convenience to cut the
eaves and stitch or pinthe back—especially those
who wish to preserve the paper. Then, instead
ofbeing at all troublesome, the quarto form will
be found the mostconvenient and satisfactory,as
it has proved wherever tried.
We wish to makearrangementsfor an Agent
and Correspondentin every town in Rockingham
County; alsoin the nearer portions of Strafford
and York Counties, and elsewhere,—and Post-
masters, Town Clerks and others who will serve
us in this way, will find their pains duly appreci-
ated and liberally repaid. Among other things,
we wish a cemplete list of Marriages, Births, and
Deaths, Kires, Accidents, &c., with other matters
of local interest in each town.
F~ Weinvite our friendsthroughoutthe City,
County and State, to communicateto us any mat
ters of local or generalinterest which may tran
gpire in their vicinity. No notice will be taken
of anonymous communications.
GHKO. W. MARSTON.}
1. P. MILLER, EDITORS.
B A e et eb SO iy Wi sML O AR At Bt
DR OFA L NOTECHS.
THE
CONFESSIONS or ax INVALID.
Published for the benefit of young men and
others who suffer from Nervous Debility, etc.,
supplying the means of self-cure. Written by
one who cured himself, and sent fres on receiving
post-paid directed envelope. Address, G6map3o
NATHANIEL MAYFAIR, Brooklyn, N. Y.
*CAUTION.
TO FEVWALES in Delicate Kleaith.
DR. DOW, Physician and Surgeon, No. T
Endicott street, Boston, is consulted daily for all
diseases incident to the female system. Prolap
sus Uteri or falling of the Womb, Fluor Albus,
Suppression, and other Menstrual Derangements,
are all treated on new pathological principles, and
speedy relief guaranteed in a very few days. So
invariably certain is the new mode of treatment,
that most obstinate complaings yield under it,
and the afilicted person soon rejoices in perfect
healvh.
Dr. Dow has no doubt had greafter experience
in the cure of diseases of women than any other
physician in Boston.
Boariling accomodations for patients who may
wish to stay in Boston a few days under his treat
ment,
Dr. Dow, since 1845, having conflned his whole
attention to an office practice for the cure of Pri
-3 and Female Complaints, acknowl
ne .'n?erior‘ln the United Slatesi i il
‘N, B.—All letters must contain one dollar, or
they will not be answered.
Office hours from 8 A, M. to 9 P, M.
Boston, Jaly 30 1870.—1yG.
MARRIAGE GUIDE,
Being a private instructor for married persons
or those about to be married, both male and fe
male,in everything concerning the physiology and
relations of our sexual system, and the production
and prevention of offpring, including all the new
discoveries never before given in the Hnglish lan
gaage, by WM. YOUNG, M. D. Thisis really a
valuable and interesting work. It is written in
plain language for the general reader,and is illus
trated with numerous Engravings. All young
married people, or those crmrernplatin%mmriuge,
and having the least impediment to married lite,
should rea« this book. It discloses secrets that
every one should be acequainted with; still itis a
book that must be locked up and not lie about the
house. It will be sent to any address on receipt
of 30 cents. Address, Dr. WM. YOUNG, No.
416 Spruce street, above Fourth, Philadelphia.
g~ AFFLICTED AND UNFORTUNATE,.—
No matter what may be your disease, before you
place yourself under any one of the notorious
l.iUACKS—native and foreign—who advertise in
this or any other paper, get a copy of Dr. Young’s
Book and read it carefully. It will be the means
of saving you many a dollar, your health and pos
sibly your life. olsay
Dr. Young can be consulted on any of the dis
cases described in his publications, at his office,
No. 416 Spruce street,above Fourth, Philadelphia.
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No matter how deep rooted a prejudice may ex
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513 Market St., Phila., Pa,,
SOLE AGENT FOR THE UNITED STATES.
The largest and cheapest WOODEN WARE
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e
JOHN M. DAVIS, Auctioneer,
A TTENDS TO THE SALE of Real
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Property, cn the most Reasonable Terms.
Office No. 2 Market Street,
God ts PORTSMOUTH, N. H.
MANHOOD

IN THE 1


Young and Rising Generation.
The vegetable powers of life are strong, but in
a few years how often the pallid hue, the lack-lus
tre eye and emaciated form, and the impossibili
ty of application to mental effort, show their
paneful influence. It soon becomes evident to
the cbeerver that some depressing influence is
checking the development of the body. Con
sumption is talked of, and perhaps the youth is‘
removed from school and sent into the country,
This is one of the worgt movemeuts. Removed
from ordinary diversions of the ever-changing
scenes of the city, the powers of the body, too
much enfeebled to give zest to healthful and rural
exercise, thoughts are turned inwardly upon
themselves.
3
If the patient be a female the approach of the
imenses is looked for with anxiety as the first
symptom in which nature is to show her saving
Lpower in diffusing the circulation and visiting the
cheek with the bloom of health. Alas! increase
of appetite has grown by what it is fed on. The
energies of the system are prostrated, and the
whole economy is deranged. The beautiful and
wonderful period in which body and mind un
dergo so fagcinating a change from child to wo
man, is iooked for in vain. The parent’s heart
bleeds in anxiety, and fancies the grave but wait
ing for its victim.
TRY HELMBOLD’S
E ST RAOCT BUCE O

For Weakmness Arising frem Excesses
or Eariy Endiscretion,
1

attended with the following symptoms: Indispesi- 1
tion to Exertion, Loss of Power, Loss of Memory,
Difficalty of Breathing, General Weakness, Hor-
ror of Disease, Weak Nerves, Trembling, Dread- l
ful Horror of Death, Night Sweats, Cold Feet,
Wakefulness, Dimness of Vision, Languor, Uni- 1
versal Lassitude of the Muscular System, Often
Enormous Appetite with Dyspeptic Symptoms,i
Hot Hands, Flushing of the Body, Dryness of the
Skin, Pallid Countenance and Eruptions on the
Face, Pain in the Back, Heaviness of the Eyelids,
Frequently Black Spots Flying before the Eyes,
with Temporary Suffusion and Loss of Sight,
Want of Attention, Great Mobility, Restlessness,
with Horror of Society, Nothing is more desira
ble m‘??fi??%thm Eolitnda, and pothing
they more dread, for fear of ‘thefl;%lfies’-i‘no e~
pose of matter, no earnestness, no speculation,
but a hurried transition from cne question to
another.
THESE SYMPTOMS, IF ALLOWED TO GO
ON—WHICH THIS MEDICINE INVA
RIABLY REMOVES SOON
FOLLOW LOSS OF POW
ER, FATUITY AND
EPILEPTIC
FITS,
IN ONE
OF WHICH THE PATIENT MAY EXPIRE.
During the Superluteud‘ence of Dr. Wilson at
the Bloomingdale Asylum, this sad result oc
carred to two patients. Reason has for a time
lert them, and both died of epilepsy. They were
of both sexes, and about twenty years of age. i
‘Who can say that these excesses are not fre
quently followed by those direful diseases, Insani
ty and Consumption? The records of the Insane
Asylums, and the melancholy deaths of Con
sumption, bear ample witness to the truth of
these assertions. In Lunatic Asylums the most
melanchely exhibitions appears. The counte
nance is actually sodden and quite destitute;
neither mirth nor grief ever visits it, Should a
sound of the voice occur it is rarely articulate,
““With woful measures wan despair
Low sullen sounds their grief beguile.”
While we regret the existence of the above dis- l
eases and symptoms, we are prigared to offer an
invaluable gift of chemistry for the removal of the
consequences,
HELMBOLD’S
Fluid FExtract of Buchu.

There is no tonic like it. It is an anchor of']
‘hope to the phlfsicisn and patient. This is the
testimony of all who have used or prescribed it.
4

Beware of counterfeits and those cheap decoc
tions called Bachu, most of which are prepared
by self-a?led doctors, from deleterious ingredi
ents, and offered for sale at *“less price” and
“‘larger bottles,” etc. They are unreliable and‘
frequently injarious. Ask for Helmbold’s. Take
no other. 1
Delivered to any address. Describe symptoms
in all communications.
Price $1.25 per Bottle, or 6 Bollles
Jor 86.50.
l
HELMBOLD’S GENUINE PREPARATIONS. 7.-
tablished upward of twenty years, Prepared by
H. T. HELMBOLD,

Pry:tncal and Analytical Chemist, No.
594 Broadway, New York, and 104
South Tenth St., Philadelphia, Pa. i
Sold by Druggists Everywhere.’
(The Oldest Newspaper in America—Established Oct. Zth, 1756.)
PORTSMOUTH, SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 1871.
NASBY ON NEW YORK.
CoxrepriT X RoaDbs,
(wich is in the State of Kentucky),
October 14, 1871.
I am here in the sere and yaller leaf,
and have seen much of polities, but
never in my life did I ever see a con
venshun so beautifully managed ez the
late Democratic convenshun in Roches-l
ter, Noo York. I wus there by speshel
invatashun uv my old friend, Dennis
O’Sbaughnessy, uv the 6th ward, Noo
York, who, sense I left the Harp uv’
Erin Saloon, has improved wonderfully
in a worldly pint of view. le was
then a hod-carrier by profession and a
repeater by practice. He attracted the
attention of Mr. Tweed by his zeal in|
votin and his bravery in knockin down
opposishen voters, and wuz of course
rewarded. He is now Assistant Inspec-
tor uv Musket Triggers uv the Ninth]
Regimental Armory at asalary uv S3OO
per mounth, Skool Inspector in the Sixth
‘Ward at a salary uv S4OO per month,
and Thirty-Second Law Adviser to the
‘commission for condemin private prop
‘erty for streets and sich at a salary uv
$3,000 per year, besides wich he hez a!
a tenth interest in the contract for keep-|
in the glass in repair uv the two back|
iwinders uv two Armories, out uv wich|
‘he made SIO,OOO in the first six months,
‘He wuz to hev had the contract for two'
Aront windersin addition, but the raid
the people made onto the Ring busted
that, He hez, however, invested large
ly in city lots, and wears kid gloves,
and a diamond ez big ez a peach stone.
Dennis sed that es the infernal Ameri
kens and Germans kin be beat down,
and the control uv Noo York left with
the Irish, where it belongs, he will be
tolerably well off in a year or two.
Dennis bein uv consequence in the
party wuz, uv course, in the private
counsels uv the managers uv the State
Convenshun. He and Tweed, Sweeuny,
Connolly, Mayor Hall, Keyser, Garvin|
and the entire convenshun wuz at Roch
ester, though nobody knowed it. Thcy,’
went in a speshul private car, and hed|
private rooms at the Osborne llousc,l
with a telegraph wire running directly
to the Hall in wich the Convenshun
wuz held, It was the most impressive
scene I ever witnesst; one wich these
old eyes will never probably leok onto
‘agin. Ther in an esy chair sot one man
}(liructin the delibrashens uv a conven
shun uv the Great State uv Noo York—
‘one, brain thinkiu for a thousand—one
band gunidin a_thousand, He dirented:
[the ‘Couvenshun to cheer when Sey
mwour’s name wuz announst ez a dele
igule, and they cheered—he directed em
‘to reject the Tammany delegashaun
from the city, and they wuz rejected
he directed em to do everything that
wuz dene, and they did it.
My great sir,” sed 1, in astonish
'ment at the power he wielded, “‘why
don’t yoo go over to the Hall and direct
the Convensbun P”
«My gentle sir,” sed he, with a bland
lsmile, ez he dictated a message directin
luv the convenshun to cheer when the
rejection uv the Tammany delegates
wuz announced, ‘“my dear sir, am
there! There’s a hundred uv my throats
a shoutin this mivit—there’s a hundred
'uv 2y hats goin up to the ceilin this
'minit there’s two hundred uv sy
‘hands g clappin vociferously at this
minit. There’s a great many of me in
that hall.”
After the adjournment of the conven
shun for dinner the Chairman uv the
Committee on Resolooshens came into
the room to submit the resolooshens
they had prepared, that they might be
shoor they wood meet Mr. Tweed’s
ideas, The great man read em atten
tively and handed uv em back.
“They won't do,” sed he, senten-'
tiously. i
“In wat respeck are they faunlty?”
asked the Chairman, obsequiously.
“Woodent it be well enough,” said
Tweed, with a smile still more bland
,than the first, ‘‘woodent it be well
enough to put in a resolooshen de
‘nouncin corrupshen, in general terms,
uv course, specifyin particklerly, how
ever, the espeshul corrupshen uv the
‘Nashnel Government, and that of States
‘which is under radikal control
The sublimity of sich a sejestion com
in’ from Tweed struck the Chairman all
\uv a heap.
“Certainly, I will, es yoo wish it,”
sed he, ““but I sposed—that is, my idea
wuz—in a general way, yoo know, that
the least sed about corrupshen, in view
uv—well, I am jist now holding a place
wich pays suthin like ten thou—but
‘never mind, it shel be done.”
“Then agin,” sed Tweed, smilin still
blander and with the faintest sejestion
uv a wink in his left eye, “I would se
jest that yoo pledge the Democratic
‘party to an honest and economical ex
‘penditoor uv the public funds
The Chairman turned pale with sur
prise, but he coincided. Everybody co
incides with Tweed.
‘“And while you are at it,” continued
the great chieftain with a smile, thel
blandniss of wich can’t be deseribed,
<‘you had better put in a resolooshen
‘denouunsin the profligacy uv the man
agement of matters in Noo York City,
but makin it, mind yoo, ez the legiti
‘mate result of Radikal legislation four
yeers ago. Draw up this resolooshen
so ez to make it plain that its me yoor
drivin at, without exactly namin me.”
“Why, wat shel we—"
“Don’t go on, my friend,” sed
Tweed, smilin a smile which for bland
nis excelled the most delishus Joon
morning, “its much better to hev the
corrupshen denounced by us than by
the enemy, particklerly as we know
more definitely about it. And I would
sejest that yoo hev a resolooshen, bold
ly challenging a comparison between
the Republikin and Democratic admin
istrations uv the State and city govern
wments, and (and here he smiled with a
blandniss wich wuz heavenly, ez he fin
cered a most gigantic diamond on the
little finger uv his left hand and sipped
a glass of champagne) any little thing
wich yoo kin throw in ez to the neces
sity uv a return to the simplicity uv our
Puritan fathers, wood be well.”
The chairman was too affected to say
a word, but he made necessary notes,
and castin one look of astonishment at,
the greatness uv his cheef who sat their
smilin blandly, retired from the pres
ence.
But the great man’s work was not yet
done. He promptly telegraflt every
prominent Democratic editer and poli
tician in the State to denounce him in
the bitterest terms, and then tellin the
convention who to nominate, and wat
else to do, went home.
There is a greatness and grandeur in
this man which I can’t sufliciently ad
mire. Some men wood be so puffed
up with the possession uv the twenty
five millions wich he baz wmade, ez to,
insist upon an indorsement by the party
through wich he made it, but not so
with Tweed. There ain’t no vaaity
about him. So long ez he has control
uv the party, he don’t care a cent
whether he is publicly recognized or
not. Is he remarkt to me, “Es the
way to my continuashen in power is in
denunsiashun of me, very good, de
nounce me. I kin stand it. 1 ain’t the
first man who, to get on, hez trampled
over the dead body of his own reputa
shen. I'd jest ez soon pull the wires
behind the cartain ez to manipulate the
puppets in front of it. T ain’t agoin to
let personal vanity stand in the way uv
the grand suceess I'm hopin for next
year. ‘l’ma rather heavy load for the
party to earry jest now, and I’m goin
to releeve em—till after the Presiden
shul eleeshun
Then I saw wat motive wuz actooatin
the Amerikin Napoleon, and I wuz agin
lost if wonder. Whoever the Demo
craticominee is, he will simply be a
shaddgr, uv wich Tweed will be the
substghce, Tweed will be the power
behinfl the throne, wich is greater than E
the thrgue itself. And wat a glorious
Pros| ért';f(’)puns to us! Think uv a Dem
h’g,&b fifdent in 1873, with Tweed
be finti hint! Think uv Tweed makin
collectors and assessors and postmas
ters, and all uv em bein responsible
solely to him! Es he has made of him
self a Croesus, and his friends lickwise,
out uv the revenues of one city, what
will he do when he has the nasben to
bleed
1 shel to-wunst cultivate pleasant re
lashens with Tweed.
PeTroLEUM V. Nassy, P. M.
(wich wuz Postmaster.)
T INDESCRIBABLE SCENES.—There
is little heart to write the tales of
‘these sad and fearful times. KEye wil
nesses cannot describe them by word.
The pen can only give an idea, and
hardly even that, of the woe, the weep
ing, the homes ruined, the lives lost.
Early Wednesday morning every avail
able horse and wagon was brought into
requisition for the purpose of reaching
the sufferers in the different settlements
within the range of the tornado of Suu
day night’s fire.
Too much credit cannot be given to
the citizens of Oconto for the active,
spmpathy displayed upon the occasion.
The different supply teams reached
their destination during the atwrnoon.[
Parties of men with axes were eul
ployed in advauce of the teams to chop'
away the fallen trees and render the
roads passable. The bridges, culverts,
ete., were burned, and much time was
taken up in actually building a way
throagh.
We say we cannot describe the scene;
we cannot. Infants clasped in moth
ers’ arms; fathers, brothers, sisters,
stiff in their embrace; actual lines of
dead from the once happy farmhouse to
the adjoining creek: charred groups,
blackened corpses, crumbling bones,
lacerated and torn members; the smil
ing babyhood a few hours past, the ad
olescent, the old, in oune horrid heap of
death, is all that is left of the country
travelled over. The roadsides are
strewn with dead horses, oxen, cows,
swine, fowl. Even the untamed of the
forest flew toward civilization for reliet,
but only to find death in their flight.
Deer, bear, rabbits, were discovered
in profusion burned to a crisp. And
all this within a few miles of our.city.
From the few left to tell the tale there
can be little yet obtained in their half
crazed situation. We ourselves saw
the father consign to their last resting
place all that was left of a family of six.
We cared little about questioning,
and he seemed to care as little about
speaking, Having given him a few
morsels of bread for necessary subsist
ence, we passed on, and saw the babe
in it’s mother’s arms, the boy, the girl,
in nakedness, the young woman, the
mother, the father, in one sad gronp of
death. Again, a family, apparently,
for there was nothing left butthe bones,
and bardly bones at that. Yes, there
was one of that family of which there
was a little Jest. It was the baby.
The poor mother, forgetful of herself,
clang to her innocent offspring, and
her last effort must bave been to save
her young one’s life. The mother’s
Val, Csvi. No. 4,
hand, or the charred remains thereof,
were on the babe’s head, as if engaged
in pressing it to the ground, face down
wards, to save it [rom suffoeation; the!
little face, that was all that was unin-
jured. A prominent young man was
found with his throat cut, and his knife
lying alongside him. He must have]|
been erazed by tortures, or preferred
immediate death to lingering ;Ignn_\-'.|
Hundreds of such cases could we cite,
but what use? Let us merely take, it
possible, into the mind’s eye the desolu-‘;
tion, suffering, death, poverty, want|
and loneliness, ruined homes, burnt
corpses—perhaps happier than the liv-!
ing—and may the always wise Provi-|
dence have mercy upon their souls.
It is the duty of us, who are yet sah-,%
to fly with everything in our posscssion
to the aid of our fellow-beings. Al
moment should not be lost, and no one|
should wait to be called upou. The|
smallest shred will cover its size of,
nakedness; the smallest morsel will,
for a time, support life. It will be easy
to deposit anywhere what we have to
give. Anything left at our office will
be reported to those charitable ladies
and gentlemen who are so actively in-|
teresting themselves in this noble work
of kindness.— Oconto Luwinberman.
YRTi T e 1
THE WiscoNslN Fire.—On Thurs
day, the sth inst., Mr. J. G. Clement,
formerly a painter at Fort Howard, late
of Peshtigo, was married to Miss Tru
dell,daughter of Theo. Trudell, of Men
ominee. The bride’s mother visited
them at Peshtigo on Sunday, the Bth,
and left at 4p. M. When the five struck
Peshtigo, Mr. Clement took his wife in'
his arms and started for the river.
They met a man with a buckbogrd, go
ing to save his wife and i'umify, but,
seeing the task was hopeless, he started
‘to go back. Mr. Clement asiced him to
isave bis wife and he would do the best
‘he counld for himself. The man took
Mrs. C. and Clement ran behind, hold
ing on the buckboard, but finally fell in
[the road and died from suffocation.
The bride begged to be allowed to get
{out, but was held in and takeh to the
|river, where she arrived unconscious,
(but was restored and saved. He was
buried by the Odd Fellows at Menomi
‘nee on Friday.
We met on Tuesday Mrs. John Wil
liamson, one of the survivors from tlm%
Williamssonville fire. She informs us
‘that nine of her family were burned to
death nround ber, one only being saved.
'She was saved by throwing a wet_blan
ket over her and lucki:%g it tightly
taround her feet between two stones.
She informs us that she saw the fire
|coming in the clouds about 9 1-20’clock
{in the evening, and that it was about 4
jo’clock in the morning before it had
died down so she was able to raise the
{blanket. She was partially stupelied,
and it was some time before she could
ire:n.lizc the terrible fact that nine of her
{family, iocluding her husband, were
|burned to death within a few feet of
{her, The story is a sad one indeed.
The loss of the mill and surrounding
|property swept away everything she
had but a small house in Oshkosh,
where she proposes, assoon as possible,
to make her home, and we commend
|her to the tender care of the warm
ihearled people of that cily.— Green Bay
I Advocale.
LErTER TO FARMERS.—BeIoved Far
mers:—Agrikaltur iz the mother ov
farm produce; sheizalso the step-moth
‘er ov gardin sass.
Rize at bass-past 2 o’clock in the morn
;ing, bild up a big fire in the kitchen,
‘burn out two pounds of kandles, and
grease yure boots,
Wait pashuntly for da brake. When
>d:ty duz brake, then commences tew
stir up the greese and werry the hogs.
i Too much sleep iz ruinous tew geese
and the hogs. Remember yu kant git
rich on a farm unless yu rizeat 2 o’clock
\in the morning, and stir up the hogs‘
and worry the geese. 1’
The happiest man in the world iz the
farmer he rises at 2 o’clock in the murn-i
!ing; he watches for da lite tew brake,
i and when she does brake, he goes outand
stirs up the geese and worrys the hogs.
What iz a lawyer? What iz a mer
chant? What iz a doktor? Whatiz a
minister? I anser, nothing!
A farmer iz the nobless work ov God
he rises at 2 o’clock in the morning, and
'burns out a half a pound ov wood and
then goes out tew worry the geese and
stir up the hogs.
Beloved farmers adew.—Josh
Tue EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION.
‘A lady was reading to her servants an
account of the Chicago fire. The inci
dent of the burning of the emancipation
proclamation, which cost that city $25,-
000 for its Historical Society, arrested
the attention of one old colored woman,
aslave all her life, who viewed the
proclamation much as the Israelites did
the ark of the covenant.
“What dat,” she said, “burned up?”
«“Yes, aunty, burned up.”
“Den what gwine come of us again
I don't know; may be you'll be
slaves as before.”
“Den dis chile gwine to die right}
now.”
And throwing up her hand in dismay,
she left the presence of her mistress,
visiting dire imprecations on the head
lof the man “what sot out dat fire.”—
Picayune.
—ln a libel suit against a newspaper,
at Little Rock, Arkansas,for £3o,ooo,the
plaintiff obtained $1 in damages.
ManrstoN FREEMAN, Publishers,
AGRIKULTIBUSS.—I. Skarsity beets
are the hardest kind ov beets to beet;
their grate skarsity makes them beet all
other kinds ov beets.
2. Tornips should be planted near the
top of the ground, if yu want tew tv.na
up good.
3. Eggplants iz good, sot under u
stiddy hen will produce more chickens
than they will tew plant them.
4. Potatoze are gennerally a healthy
krop, but they are liable tew hav weak
eyes.
5. Cowcumbers do the best in a lot bi
themselfs; it ain’t best tew cumber up
a kitchen garden with cows.
6. Oats will gro onsun warm land;
but tew yield well they have tew be
thrasht; it is jiss so with beans, ounly
beans has got to be poled fust, and
thrasht afterwards.
7. Rye duz the best on a dry and
thirsty sile, espeshally old rye; too
much water will drown out old rye.
8. Tud stools will do well on a wet
earth; so will tads; but woodchucks
must hav a gravelly sile.—Josh B.
SivpLe REMEDIZ.—Tew kure the
‘bight of a krab, soke the krab’s feet in
‘bileing hot water.
Tew find the kontents ov a gallon ov
whiskee, multiply a pint of fusil ile bi
pints ov Vinice turpentine,
Tew kure the gout, live on Boston
krackers, and saw wood for 25 cents a
kord.
Tew make a goose goodeating, bring
her up tenderly.
Tew keep kats from beiny et up bi
rats, muozzle the rats.—Josh B,
—300,000 of Harpers’ Weekly were
gold last week.
—Thirty-six base-ball clubs contend
ed one Sunday recently in frieandly em
julation, at the different open grounds
iin the suburbs of New Orleans.
—=The latest euphuism for red hair is
Canandaigua color Canandaigna being,
as every New York railroad (raveller
knows, a little beyond Auburn.
i —The woman who is said to have
been the means of starting the Chicuge
i fire, says she did not go into the burn
with a kerosene lamp, that she did not
milk at night, and that she was asleep
when the alarm was given, and had ne
{knowledge of the origin of the fire.
—Aiittle boy, when asked by a lady
%if he studied hard aut school, said, I do
{not hurt myself at it?” ““Ah” said the
{lady, “yotr must study hard or you'll
{never be President of the United
States.” *“‘No, ma'am,” cried the boy,
“but I don't expect to be,—l'm a Dem
ocrat,”
—Grace Greenwood in one of her re
cent letters said, ‘I drove a spike on
the Denver and Rio Grand Railway.”
©lt was a cruel tax,” she says, ‘‘on my
muscular Christianity,” ‘T'he news
paper report said that I ‘drove the spike
lhome triumphantly but I really tho’
Lit fwouldn’t go howe till morning.’
—A Lua Crosse paper saya: “The for
lests on the islands in the Mississippi
tare full of gray squirrels now mov
|ing west, and the captain of the ferry
boat says the river is full of them, swim
iming to the Minnesota shore. The
ierop of nuts in Wisconsin is small, and
'these squirrels go where they may
provide for the winter.”
—OId Mr. A,, at about 80 years of
lage, was so bold as to marry a young
wife,and in due course of time was pre
sented with a son. On the day of
christening the nurse handed young
master about, with the usual exclama
tion that he was the very image of his
papa. “Very like, indeed,” said a
lady “no hair, no teeth.”
—At the inauguration of President
Porter, at New Haven on Wednesday,
one of the exercises was singing, by
lcallegc voices, of the chorus: **Domine
salvian sac pracsidem nostrum *Lord
]save our president!” In one of the
newspapers the reporter or the printer
|transl’ormed this into *“Domine calrum
Jac pracsidern nostrum *Lord make
our president bald
—The Norwich Bulletin says: ¢“A
well known Justice of the Peace sub
scribed five dollars to the relief fund
yesterday, and returning to his office
immediately received the amount for
marrying a couple. Thus is virtue re
warded. Another man was requested
to contribute, but declined, and within
two hours heard that his mother-in-law
had come 1o stay a month with him,
Can any one hesitate which course to
pursue
—Some of the sensation reporters
appear to have risen to the height of
the ridiculous in writing of the Chicago
fire. One of them tells us that ‘‘east
ward the fire journeyed with its fevered
stride, eating like a withering canker
‘through the vitals of the city,” and adds,
“‘northward the hell angel strode to
the emporium of rich grodnce it was
longing for. Now it hung around a
bank, burst open its doors, shivered its
windows, scorched through its roof,
and toiled and burned its fiercest till the
great safe—ah, the sale hadsuccumbed
to its blasting, melting breath.” He
goes on to inform us that the fire
“sacked with its cremating arms the
corn-stored elevators,” and continues:
“Would the willing wind never die? It
did not fall, it only changed, as it had
exhausted all the demons whence it
came, and then had called upon the
porth to send out its vandal breeze.
Price 5 CrnTs.